So it's been two weeks since we hosted our FAYES CUTEST DOG and CAT CONTEST, and we wanted to follow up with the winners and...well not so winners to see what life post-contest life is like.
Because none of us talk doggie or kitty, we ask friend and lover, renowned animal whisper Dr. Helga Igornavistivich to translate.
First the kitties:
This year's winner is Lightning:
F: "Lightning, how has winning Fayes Cutest Cat 2012 changed your life?"
L: "Well human, I was a little nervous about Dr. Peter Venkman, she lives across from me and I see her through the window, play with the blinds and watch birds, and I got to say it's pretty damn cute, but I've been training for this longer than her. I stare into the mirror for hours to get that perfect pose, in fact, the tongue out thing was a real risk, but let's be realistic, that's the money shot right there."
F: "Thanks Lightning, for taking time out of your busy day to talk with us"
L: " You're welcome"
Most Chill, Noodle
F: "Noodle, you were a top contender in this years contest, a home town favorite, and yet last minute it seemed that you buckled under the pressure, can you tell us, what happened?"
N: "I'm going to be honest Mellisa,"
F: "My name's not--"
N: "I'm a pretty chill kitty-cat... I don't you know let things get to me, I see something, like a toy, or a human's hair, and I says, 'Noodle, you want it, ha ha, you get it' But my humans, they wanted it more than I did, too much, 'sit in the box Noodle,' they said, 'put you arm over the lip of the box' they took away all creative freedom I had. Plus they must have taken 50-60 pictures, deleting one after another passively aggressively sighing after each one, it's a lot of pressure, you know, I had a breakdown, and Melissa, I'm a good kitty, I try do do the things they like, chase the toy, roll on my back (that's to impress you people, you know that right, we don't want to do that) but I don't know, I see that picture and it just seems so disingenuous, I felt like a real phonie, I think that's what contributed to my loss, the people what an honest cute kitty, it's all lies."
F: "Noodle, do you think you'll enter next year, can you overcome this feeling of defeat, despite the fact that you are a very, very cute cat?"
N: "Well, thanks, um....you know, I don't know, I'm gonna take a few months off, relax and reassess things, it put me through a real existential episode, cute, what does that mean? what does all of this mean, what is the role of a cat? I mean...I don't know, please don't go...."
Now on to the Dogs!
This year's winner is Mimi, she was kind enough to join us via telephone from Miami, where's celebrating her victory.
F: "Mimi, it's a but hard to hear you, there seems to be a lot of yelling and loud music, can you...can you hear us?"
M: "WHAT?!?, WHO IS THIS? ARE YOU FROM THE SPA? WE LEFT IT THE WAY WE FOUND IT!"
F: "Mimi, It's Fayes Video, we'd just like to ask a few question, MIMI, IT'S A BIT LOUD, MIND STEPPING OUT OF THE ROOM SO WE CAN ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS?"
M: "GUYS, GUYS! HEY, HAROLD...HAROLD, DO NOT PEE THERE, EHHH!!!"
(sound of a sliding glass door opening and closing)
M: "Hello? Is that better?
F: "Yes, yes, Mimi, you're coming in loud and clear now, thank you. Mimi we wanted to catch up with you and see how life is after winning Fayes Cutest Dog Contest, how have you been celebrating?
M: "Oh, well I was so surprised when we found out, there were a lot of really great doggies in the contest this year. I can't lie, I've been really enjoying the attention, the Good Morning America show was really fun, Vouge and Ella magazine spreads, and I just got offered a Carrier sponsorship, plus the extra snacks, extra walkies, don't hurt.
F: "Wow, well you certainly have been making the most of you victory! Have you found it has changed anything, new friends, more dogs sniffing you butt, if you will?"
M: "Well, I mean there can only be one winner, and I think the judges..I'm sorry...I have to go..."
F: "um...okay...Thank you Mimi, good luck with all your new---"
M: "yeah....PETE, GET OFF, STOP IT!"
Arlo, Best Puppy
F: "Hey Arlo who's a cute dog?"
A: "Me....I'm a cute dog, who's a cute human?"
F: "oh, (giggles,) that's cute"
A: "yeah, cute what a stupid word, an unsophisticated, usless word, cute, do you know how degrading that is?"
F: "Arlo, I'm sorry, it's... we're not tring to offend you--"
A: "Well you are, I'm a lot of things, I have a degree in German Lit, and Humanities, I've contributed to numerous journals and published more papers on Kafka than you've published blog posts, not to mention my contributions in social work, have you ever seen how many single mothers are trying to support their puppies in this city, let me tell you, it's not cute."
F: "Arlo, I have to say, we had no idea you were so accomplished and at such a young age, you're 7 months old, how have you found time to study and create such works?"
A: "I'm not actually 7 months old, I'm in fact the oldest dog in existence, but I'm a vampire, and I've used my time in the last 145 years very well. I'm afraid I don't think very highly of the word cute, I would very much appreciate it if next year you have some sort of decathalon, or Fayes Most Accomplished Dog Contest, then we'll see how cute you think I am, good day"