Monday, July 29, 2013

Possible possibilities Vol 4.

There are so many colors and so many emotions that are not named.  Language is at a loss and what better way to communicate than to transpose colors on specific unnamed emotions.

Every one sees colors in a different way, if you asked 50 people to find Coca Cola red, you'd get 50 different types of red. Just as you ask 50 people how they feel on a cold grey day, you'd get 50 different answers. This possible possibilities is dedicated to naming a few of the specific emotions though colors.


This is the color of being somewhat offended when a friend, who's not really a friend anymore corrects your grammar more than once during a dinner party you didn't really want to go to in the first place.

 We associate this hue, value, tint shade and saturation with the emotion of eating too much watermelon


This is a very specific color, and it has a very specific emotion: You've just stared at a dog for a very long time and the dog gets a kind of weird feeling about you and you can't explain that you weren't trying to intimidate it, you were just noticing it's very nice coat and imagining what it might be like to be a dog, would you really drink out of a bowl that another dog just drank out of, that would be weird.

This color represents the emotion of: "I just had an idea, goddammit; I forgot it, what was I doing when I thought of that idea? Did it have to do with my day, or was it an idea about the future, it's wasn't a memory. Goddammit!"



This color represents: "It was a memory, but I still can't place the thought. Oh wait, it was that time I put a zip-tie around my finger and couldn't get it off for 35 minutes."


This color is how one feels after spending 35 minutes stretching and prying a zip-tie off of one's index finger.

This is the color for: "I tried to do a pull-up and only got a little bit up and then paced around and wondered if it were a life or death situation, would I be able to do a real pull-up. I think the adrenaline would allow me to, but what if I was practicing pull-ups to prepare for the life or death situation and my arms were really really tired and then I couldn't.  I should not attempt to do another pull up for fear that I may need to save my strength. same with running, and sit-ups.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Possible Possibilities Vol. 3


7) What if I appropriated the plot from Freaky Friday and wrote a story about Mike and Matthew switching minds. it's possible.

8) What if we placed a bell on the door do it let us know when customers came in and out of the shop, but unbeknownst to the other employees I sneaked* into their bedrooms a week before and hypnotized them so that when they heard the bell:  
 Alfonso thought he was W.C. Fields
Colby awoke feeling like he had just consumed the largest meal of his life
Sophie thought she was communicating by tap dancing
Justin emerged from a sleepy daze and acted like a kitty
Molly comfortably reached for items that were 3 inches too far to her left
Mike thought he was Jennifer Proctor
Matthew became infatuated with the length of customer's eyelashes

*The past tense of sneak is sneaked, according to the AP style guide. Snuck is becoming more popular and may supplant "sneaked" but not officially....thus far.


Due to common usage, the dictionary now lists the rather vulgar snuck as an option, but sneaked is the original past tense form.


9) Now I am tired and I can not think of another possible possibility to I will leave you with this really stupid video of a cat playing the keyboard

Saturday, July 20, 2013

"Baited"

I think Fayes...

Loves Dawgs.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Possible Possibilities Vol II

Possibility number 3)
Fayes participates in backwards day:
 yad sdrawkcab ni setapicitrap seyaF

We put our clothes on backwards
.sdrawkcab no sehtolc ruo tup eW

Our heads start to hurt from talking like this.
.siht ekil gniklat morf truh ot trats sdaeh ruO

Eating our throw-up is getting a bit tedious.
.suoidet tib a gnitteg si pu-worht ruo gnitaE

Possibility number 4)
Doctor Michael McConnell has been hard at work in his laboratory examining his slides of stuffed animal tissue through his microscope when a small red ray appeared through the eyepiece. He stood back and called his assistant, Mr. Lawrence. Both were stunned that this ray seemed to appear merely from the refraction of light an nothing more. Dr. McConnell drew the curtains and the ray strengthened under the florescent lights. They slightly moved the microscope and the ray disappeared. "MaaaAh," groaned the doctor, "it must be in this exact angle that the red ray can refract the light!" They placed the instrument back to it's original location and the ray re-appeared. Soon the two where experimenting with the ray; placing it over coffee beans, and watched in amazement as the beans doubled, then tripled and quadrupled in size with in a matter of minutes. "Remarkable!" exclaimed Michael. "Think of the possibilities," cried Mr. Lawrence. The two grew tired after hours of experiments and turned off the light to sleep. "the Faye Ray!" Dr. McConnell said as he turned out the light.

The next day Dr. McConnell awoke early and called Professor Matthew Troy to tell him of the new discovery. "This can not be! I must see it for myself," Matthew said.  "But it's true, come see for your self, but please, bring the largest coffee grinder you can find! and Hurry!" said Michael.
Professor Troy arrived a half-hour later with a ice-cream churn and while Justin boiled serveral gallons of water, the two grounded the coffee.  The grounds smelled of wet dirty hair and shit. "PFFFFF!" growled Matthew, "Are you sure these are coffee beans?! They smell awful. I don't think we should continue this experiment unless we have determined a proper guinea pig to try the coffee first." "They are coffee beans, they are! And you're not thinking of the profits we could turn. My dear Mr. Troy, these beans are just the beginning, the Faye Ray will be used to increase the world's food supply! Kale as big as a house! Tomatoes the size of Volkwagon bugs!" "Bugs!" shouted Mr. Lawrence, "What if a bug were to cross the field of the ray,"
"Thee Faye Ray, Mr. Lawrence, thee Faye Ray; use the proper name!" corrected Dr. McConnell
"My appologise, The Faye Ray, but think of the destruction an ant or wasp that is four times in size"
"Phooey!" said Michael, "you're over-reacting."
And Mr. Lawrence left the room, worried as he swatted at a fruit fly that passed his nose.

Dr. McConnell and Professor Troy were left in the room to stare at the red beam for a quite a long time, each allowing their mind to wonder until Professor Troy put his hand in his pocket and mumbled; "What, do you hypothesize the Fay Ray's effect on a member of the....er... human body, say a finger, or toe, would be?" The question fell heavy in the room for a long time. Matthew begin to think the Doctor would not take his question seriously. "I have been wondering the same thing, and though I'm not sure the Fay Ray has been properly tested on enough organic material, I suspect that it would grow just as the coffee beans, the penny and watermelon . However, with each new item we test the Fay Ray on, the effects, while astounding, have a negative impact on the quality; the coffee beans smell terrible, the penny began to patina and melt into the floor, the watermelon's rind was mealy and dry. I'm curious, but nervous to see what harmful effects the Fay Ray would have on a human being."
Interesting, thought Professor Troy. "I'll wait until he leaves for lunch and make my move!" he thought.
Later Doctor McConnell goes to the Taco stand down the street while Matthew picks up the phone and whispers into the receiver.

Mr. Lawrence appeared in the door way of the laboratory. "Can I be of some assistance, Professor Troy?"
"Why yes my good Mr. Lawrence, take this money and go to the Mission Police station and bail out whatever poor criminal looks the weakest and most innocent and bring him back to my laboratory!"
"No, Doctor, no! You mustn't!"
"Lawrence! do what I say or I'll tell the Doctor you stole the money! Go! To the Mission Police station, now! And bring him back to Laboratory number 34"
And off ran Mr. Lawrence until he reached the police station and he took a deep breathe and strightened his shirt and walked slowly through the hall. The Police station was packed full of
 
OH MY GOD, I don't have the patience to write this anymore. It's crap!

Sophie is the police Sargent that takes a bribe and bails Colby out of jail. They both have really elaborate back stories and wonderful descriptions of small details of their lives blah, blah, blah, but I'm bored, blah, blah, blah. At the same time, Matthew has stolen the measurements of the microscope and taken them back to his laboratory where he's taken found the exact position to recreate the Fay ray. He's evil, duh. Mr. Lawrence comes back with Colby, there's a debate and they yell at one another about mortality and the fate of humanity, it's actually a really great speech given by Mr. Lawrence, it resonates with pertinent current events and draws a strong parallel to nuclear war, the 3D printer and blah, blah, blah, and then there's a fight, Professor Matthew shoots Mr. Lawrence in an attempt to stop him from going to the authorities, though he should have when he had the chance. And Colby nearly escapes, but doesn't. His assistance, Alfonso (again, incredible back story, a miracle he's still alive after the lion taming and the revolution and the giant rubber band ball indecent blah, blah, blah,) disposes of Mr. Lawrence's body and runs back to hold Colby the criminal's shoulders against the floor down as they aim the ray in the middle of his forehead...this is call suspense when it's done properly.
Molly, Professor Troy's partner at the college yells as she walks into the room at the sight of a stranger being held on the floor about to be exploited to another one of Matthew's malicious experiments. She spills her coffee that smells like shit and dirty hair. It's a small part in this poorly written story, we don't really know anything about her, but the yell is really good, it's not a screech, it's a yell from the gut. Unlike most yells it's actually satisfying to hear, because one can only wish that in a moment of true terror that this would be the sound that we would make compulsively and  purely.  We can't train ourselves to make the appropriate sounds while being tormented by horror, and often what does erupt is something foreign and unrecognizable; "ERRRRAHHHHH!!!"  "GASP AHHHHHHHFRAAAweeeeee???!?!?!", sometimes even the words we spew out are not suspecting: "FUCKING FUCK!!?!" "DUUUUUUUDE!!!!" "HOLY CRAPPY SHIT!!!!!!" what? this is not how we want to explain the horror we see before our eyes, but words have failed us before, as they are failing me right now as I try to kill this awful beast of a possibility.

 back to the detail-less synopsis of this failed story.

Shit goes from worse to worser, as the ray is activated, it hits a fruit fly that happens to be flying in between the lens and Colby's forehead, it explodes into the room and what emerges a giant fruit fly, imagine a really great description of a giant fruit fly....got it?....ok.... what's worsest is it's carrying 1000 eggs in it's stomach and those hatch and grow to eight times the size of their mother, and their spawn 16 times etc., etc., and I don't care anymore the monster fruit flies kill babies, they kill doggies, they kill everyone

 " think of the destruction an ant or wasp that is four times in size."

 That's call foreshadowing, I wasn't sure you'd get this far into the possibility, or maybe you scanned it, regardless, if it were well written I wouldn't have to point that out. but.... oh wait Molly is pregnant with a fly baby too. scandalous! Over the course of...I don't know, 3 weeks everyone in the world is eaten my killer fruit flies, we're all dead. done. I stole most of this story from Mikhail Bulgakov's the Fatal Eggs

Possibility 5)
Fayes starts to sell postage stamps.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Egyptian politics + brit pop joke

Q:What did Morsi say this morning?

A: "I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I'm miserable know"

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

baybays.

first ICE CWEEEAM!

Monday, July 1, 2013

possible possibilities vol 1.

possible possibilities Vol. 1

Not unlike TRANSFORMERS, but not close enough to resemble TRANSFORMERS,  Fayes, through some elaborate back story untold here, now has the ability to somehow morph into a robot video store with mounted bazookas and (enter other large artillery that I don't know the name of because I don't really care) and an angry face indicated by dvd boxes turned inward as eyebrows atop a smaller box indicating a face. Though it only stands 40 feet tall, short for a transformer, I've been told, it can fly by turbo boosted something-or-rathers and has wheels to maneuver through heavy traffic in gravity-and-death-defying stunts. We also has a vo-coder voice now. oh and we are evil, because there are only good and evil robots.



















  Fayes adds to it's already diversified business plan of Videos and Espresso a Doggie Timeout Zone (patent pending.)  In co-operation with the dog walkers union of San Francisco local 46 and loving dog owners, Fayes invites dog walkers and owners to drop off the naughty dogs into the caring custody of Fayes employees trained and certified in scaring the shit (literally) out of dogs. We will work with (against) your dogs to make them well behaved as the loyal and obedient friends you've imagined.
Five weeks ago Carol was a punk; she ate trash, peed where she pleased and had a lack of concern for anything not pertaining to her self indulgent ways. After, our known to work tactics, including; scary masks wearing, poking in lieu of petting and water boarding, (a method in which we take the doggies surfing, but laugh at them telling them they are horrible surfers.) We've transformed Carol into a model doggie.


                               







Fayes changes it's name to TAR-DEL-RITE (patent pending)- serving French pastries, coffee, Pizza, wine, and grocery store items at extremely cheap prices.  until we get caught dumpster diving in which case we go back to "Fayes". But within that 6 weeks, we raise enough of a profit to start a method acting class in the back taught by Cuba Gooding III and Rob Schneider's friend Annie who helped him go through his lines and knows "a thing or two about acting now" as well accent assistance by a guy that spent four months in London and a few weekends in Paris and Brussels. Tuition start at $643 a semester.